Why Are We Stingy With Our Compliments?

I'll tell you why.

We've been growing in a culture that believes that praise is detrimental to a person. It robs a person of dignity by smothering pride, a by-product of praise. And because of this belief, we have learned how to condemn and be shrewd so well that it seems like our second nature.

Why are we so stingy with our compliments?

We analyze praise that we receive as whether it was genuine or not. We dismiss the praise we get from others and are quick to condemn ourselves. Perhaps, at the core, we don't want to believe we are good. Laura Trice who spoke at Ted.com believes that all of us want to be praised in a certain way but are afraid to communicate how we want to be praised, all because that information describes the very core of us and our insecurities, which would most possible lead to these responses:

• Neglection
• Abuse
• Receiving Praise

Over the years and quite very recently, just as the Western beliefs slowly penetrate our closed-up Asian belief, we start to praise people bit by bit. Yet, much we still hold back. Why? Shouldn't we be taking chances about receiving praise, because that is what we need? But we wouldn't want to tell everybody about how we want to be praise, lest we come across as being desperate, don't we?

So here's what I suggest: As much as life is about taking risk, we ought to take risk. Let's start by telling those closest to us how we want to be praised. I'm sure these people will not be out to hurt us, but should they do so, know for sure that most probably, these people don't matter.

Are we capable of giving praise? Yes. And a hell lot of praise. But we're just stingy. We just enjoy being plainly direct, shrewd, sarcastic and the list goes on. When will we be different for a change, at least to those we care?

Something worth thinking about.

Three Things I've Lost

and will never be able to get back are:

Item Lost #01 - Part of my heart because I was too fast to love you

Item Lost #02 - Much of my confidence because of all the errors I've made

Item Lost #03 - The time spending on blaming myself for all the wrongs I've committed


It's time to move on. It's time to know that my errors are part and parcel of life - the very things that make me a stronger person. Though people may not understand the struggles I go through, or assume that they know when they don't; though people may judge and gossip about me behind my back; though people may say I am not worth it to be the editor of The Hailer, the President of Student Council 2008, and many more; I will stand strong for what I believe in.

I will choose to tell myself that life is more than people who don't matter and whose comments don't matter, more than circumstances, more than what I think it is.

Even if the simplest thing about life is spelling it, that doesn't mean that life isn't worth living to its fullest.

What are the three things you have lost and could never ever get them back?

“Every defeat, every heartbreak, every loss, contains its own seed,

its own lesson on how to improve your performance the next time.”

—Malcolm X

Are you ready to be a champion, to live the life you want and not what somebody else wants, to live a life not based on others' comments, opinions and bullshitting?

Screw-Up and I

Is it better to sit back and let the world pass you by while you just take life easy, or is it better to plunge your head into learning, working, experiencing with the knowledge that you will somehow screw up? Which is better?

I have quite an affair with Screw-up. Whenever I embark on something, I have this constant reminder behind my mind that I am somehow going to screw up - which often happens. Sometimes these mistakes (and incompetence) leave me stranded in a land of self-pity where quiting seems easier, where forgetting about trying hard and striving for excellent seem convenient and somehow, more admirable.

Here's the analysis: If I were to sit back and strive for convenience while letting the world pass me by, if I were to just give up on myself and not try hard to achieve at least something, I wouldn't gain insight and experience. I would never be somewhere, learn something, be someone. But I wouldn't be a thorn, I wouldn't need to fight for myself, my rights, my passion. I wouldn't need to be harsh and see to it that things are being done on time. I wouldn't need to make enemies or taint good impressions.

But if I were to strive hard for excellence in whatever I do, tell myself that I can do it no matter what is placed before me, I would surely gain experience and attain achievement, but I will surely somehow screw up. At least that is what experience taught me. People who used to have good impressions of me would start to rethink their opinions about me, people who would previously be more than glad to work with me would think twice if they want to continue doing so... If I were to try hard enough, and these are all that I get, maybe it's not worth trying, working hard, believing. Maybe it is better to just sit back and enjoy - like many of my peers do.

Like it or not, these screw-ups are always major. I can pass them off as things that I have to go through to be where I want to be. I know that the path to my destiny is tough, especially since I do not have what many fortunate ones out there have. I have not silver or gold, brilliance or intelligence, and all I have is what I have learned and my instincts. Along the course of trying hard, I often meet with walls and somehow, due to my ignorance, I hit my head against them. Now here's the funny part: I only feel pain after - say, a day or two? Or worse, weeks!

As I sit back and ponder about what the different screw-ups I have had in my life, part of me feels like curling up into a ball to sob until I sleep, to adorn myself with the self-pity I have successfully compiled throughout my lifetime. Yet, there is another (rather small) part of myself that tells me to remain optimistic because I will someday achieve something without screwing up.

I suppose that is how life is - one day bleak and one day cloudy. Somehow within the months and years, one will encounter several sunny days, but who is to say how often these days come by?

Is taking chances (still) worth it?

I'm Just Like You

I won't lie. I am just like most people my age; I'm clueless about my future. I don't know what I want to pursue anymore. I thought that by the end of my diploma, I would've figured out what exactly I want to do, but right now as I type this, I am not so sure anymore.

Some around me are so sure that they want to go to a certain university or college to continue their studies. When asked why, they answer, "Oh, my mom want me to have good qualifications" or "I know that that is the way I ought to go. There's no other way."

Part of me feels envious about the assurances they have. They seem to have it all together. They seem to have all the finance they need. And they're happy with their decision, which is good. On the other hand, I used to know what I want to do, where I will be. Now I am not so sure anymore. There are so many general options out there, few specific ones. The specific ones require a lot of finance, and it's not like I am the son of the richest man on earth.

But yet again. You can't have everything in life. At least, that's the case for me (because I do see that there are a lot of people who have everything they want and need in life). It's either I pay more and get the exposure I want, or I pay less and just end up somewhere I am not all that satisfied with. But there's one thing I know - I don't want to be like any other Mass Communications graduates. I want to be different. I want to be ahead. I want to graduate knowing that my qualifications far exceeds my peers.

I want - no, I need - to be different, to be ahead, because I don't want to be mediocre.

I'm Back

Not from the dead, but yes. I'm back - after a long journey of stress, sleepless nights, nonstop working until 7 in the morning... I have successfully added a few years to my appearance and increased the depths of my eyebags.

Right now, though I have a few things to do, it still wasn't as bad as previously when I had to stay up all night worrying about so many things.

But that was yesterday. What matters is now. I am about to complete my studies in Life College, hopefully getting a distinction in my studies and never to return again. Where would I go in the future? I don't know, honestly. I am clueless as to what I would do, but one thing I know for sure - that is to celebrate my accomplishment of finishing my diploma successfully without any retaking of subjects (hopefully).

Oh, and by the way, The Hailer Issue 5 will be out soon. Yes, very soon, and if you want a copy or copies (that is, if you are in KL), tell me via email or sms, and I'll reserve them for you. We could meet up and talk and catch up, and you can enjoy my pride and baby. Okay, that sounds wrong, but you get my drift, aye?

So, please, my friends, drop me a comment about how you are doing lately! I'd like to know how everybody is doing, and yes, no worries, I'll reply.

Shocked and Bewildered

Man tries to con teacher into having sex
Friday October 16, 2009
Obtained from The Star Online

A temporary teacher with a secondary school in Seremban was almost fooled into having sex with her colleague after he pretended to be an undercover special health officer researching “diseases affecting female teachers.”

The teacher - known only as Hani - claimed that the married man in his 30s had even asked for his undercover identity to be kept from his wife, who is teaching in the same school, and from the school principal.

In a report in Kosmo!, Hani, 24, said the teacher had told her that his research comprised three phases, the first of which would require her to answer questions on the size of her breasts and waist.

She would then be required to get intimate with the teacher in the second phase and finally, have sex with him under the third phase, which was also a “weight test”.

Hani alleged that she had signed an agreement as well as a confidentiality form to participate in the study after the teacher approached her in March.

The “study” then moved onto the next phase, in which Hani said she was told to go to an empty classroom.

“In the classroom, he hugged me from behind before performing other sexual acts on me,” she said, adding that she pushed the man away after suspecting something was amiss.

“The next phase was even worse when he asked me to have sex with him,” she said, claiming that during this time, the teacher was stark naked and getting ready to film the sex romp.

“Frightened, I then fled from the classroom,” said Hani.

Since that day, Hani alleged the teacher has been harrassing her through phone messages, asking her for money as “penalty” for not completing the study and claiming that she could be “sued” by the Education Ministry.

The man even claimed that the Public Services Department could take action against her and her other family members serving in the Government.

“I lodged a police report on Aug 18 after I could no longer take his harassment. I have also filed a complaint with both the Health and Education Ministries and the department,” said Hani.

Read the entire article here.

I wanted to write a real long post about this article. But I guess it wouldn't justify my time for typing word for word, especially when I have so many things to complete. I'll just say it quick and nice: If you were to ask me who was stupider, I'd tell you both the male and female teachers were equally stupid.

What is education doing to our teachers these days. I wonder. And to read something like that about teachers brings much shame to me because I teach too.

You know what this means, folks...